My Existential Struggle

What a whirlwind of a weekend for me. Starting Friday I began rethinking my entire philosophy on life as I have been consumed with Twitter. Overall, I spend way too much time on that platform transcribing a narrative that is positive for Trump and his never ending quest to drain the swamp. It was only when I started questioning my purpose in all this did a lot of the nagging feelings I have been ignoring start to reappear.

Now if anyone actually is a fan of my work, you know that questioning my biases is what helps me offer fresh perspectives on everything. As I continued to question the narrative surrounding Spygate and Trump Russia collusion I found more and more holes. The main issue I had was why this was taking so long. Crime of the century and a prosecutor from Connecticut is having a look after the fact? It never really made much sense to me that all these so called evil people can just be living free while Donald Trump is constantly battling the Deep State.

It all just sounds so silly in retrospect. The grand conspiracy that the entire news organization is fake apart from Fox News? That Trump is constantly draining the swamp when it seems that the only swamp that was drained was Paul Manafort and other members of Trump’s campaign who were involved with the Russians in 2011-2014. That the biggest swamp drainer as of yet has to be the #MeToo movement. What really made me question everything was how my research into Patrick Byrne allowed me to realize how Fox News created a conspiracy. I then started scouring the internet and was actually able to find a post by GQ about who the spy in Trump’s campaign started. Again this bothered me because I spent so much time trying to figure out who the Spy was and once again it turns out to be an overstated event by Fox News.

Increasingly getting annoyed about how stupid I am, I continued flowing through by thoughts about Spygate and remembered a recent court filing from the James Madison Project. If you don’t remember, JMP was the one who managed to get the Carter Page FISA through FOIA and are still fighting to get the rest of it. On the other end of the spectrum, Trump and his allies have talked about declassifying it. Unfortunately, that seems like gas lighting as the response from the government was that the DOJ had never received the order and as of May 23, 2019, when Barr was granted declassification privilege, the FISA has yet to be declassified. It also says a lot that the DOJ is currently fighting this in court too, so let’s go Brad Heath? Ugh.

Considering how much time I have spent over the better part of the last year trying to discover the inner workings of Spygate, it is extremely frustrating seeing stuff like this. I, like everyone else, do not like being lied to and this is a total breach of my trust. Feel like it is better late than never to start calling out the hoax parts of Spygate, but with the OIG report of FISA apparently around the corner, I will hold out just a little longer. That will be my final straw with all of this. If nothing comes from that, which at this point I am not expecting anything major to come from it, I am done with the politics and going back to my original position on politics and despising everyone.

We have come to such a turning point in history where so much information is readily available that it gets tough to not get lost in the noise. I also was gaining a sense of narcissism by thinking that I was going to be part of the team that finally breaks open the scandal. That I needed to be the one to let people know what is going on. In reality, I needed to get over myself. There is an infinite number of better researchers and writers out there who basically already figured out that Spygate is probably BS. Once I started seeing that Carter Page wasn’t some secret agent and had told Russian officials that he was Male-1 from the Buryakov indictment. The FISA was based on probable cause which requires a lower standard of evidence, so if anything Horowitz may strengthen what is needed for a FISA warrant.

I am just disappointed in myself because I feel like a big dummy. I hope that this post ages poorly. I hope that this stuff actually comes into fruition and the country can become reunited. Unfortunately, I don’t see it that way as there is a current feud over a doctored map of a hurricane. Some people may call me a shill because I am not a sycophant but group think gets us into messes, not fixes them.

Anyway, moving forward, expect a more skeptical eye towards Spygate for me. I am currently in a process of getting over myself and the new perspective has already made me lose some interest in Twitter. I sort of realized that real change starts at the human level and not through anonymous trolls on Twitter. Just feel like I lost sight of what is important in life and got caught up trying to solve a puzzle that never really even existed.

Hopefully the OIG report comes out soon as does the conclusion of the Flynn case. The Democrats have been very quiet on the Russia lobbying aspect of Flynn and they’re chirping again. I can only imagine that they’ll try to save the best for last.

I don’t really care if people get thrown in jail either. Obviously these cases aren’t as black and white based on the lack of prosecutions and ultimately false information from right wing news. The more important goal for me is the sustainability of the human race. I will forever look towards the future and hope for innovation and change. It was just a matter of realizing that I am not the only human on this planet for me to start seeing the forest through the trees. Perspective’s a bitch.

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